"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
Sacha Guitry

"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
Steve Martin

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
Groucho Marx

"It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."
Spike Milligan

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
Socrates

"The General was essentially a man of peace, except of course in his domestic affairs."
Oscar Wilde

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."
Ambrose Bierce

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
Groucho Marx

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante