"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them." Steve Martin
"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." Matt Groening
"Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right." Unknown
"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though." Elton John
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own." Woody Allen
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love." Woody Allen
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy." Steve Martin
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic." Woody Allen
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life." Emo Philips
"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who." Joan Rivers
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all." Rodney Dangerfield
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often." Emo Philips
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one." Woody Allen
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home." Ken Hammond
"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said: that's a big word for a girl of nine." Emo Philips
"Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet." Taki
"When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better." Mae West
"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on." Marilyn Monroe
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." Joan Rivers
"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women." Bernard Manning
"Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer." Joan Rivers
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty." Unknown
