"The guy who runs the place is a little temperamental, especially about the ordering procedure. He's secretly referred to as the Soup Nazi." Jerry Seinfeld
"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun." Jerry Seinfeld
"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive." Jerry Seinfeld
"There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family." Jerry Seinfeld
"I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating ME!" Jerry Seinfeld
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper." Jerry Seinfeld
"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything." Jerry Seinfeld
"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking." Jerry Seinfeld
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash." Jerry Seinfeld
"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything." Jerry Seinfeld
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think: I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." Jerry Seinfeld
"Men want the same thing from women and their underwear: support, comfort, and freedom." Jerry Seinfeld
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end." Jerry Seinfeld
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like: See if you can blow this out." Jerry Seinfeld
